Was cleaning out the email bag and thought I would share some of the more evocative emails we received this year from our blog readers.
Dear Mr. Lordi,
I enjoy reading your blog and particularly like your post, “What Would Jesus Tweet.” However, I get the sense you are pulling my leg, especially about the tweet regarding the Wedding at Cana when Jesus turned water into wine. I doubt it was because there was a cash bar and Jesus and his cousins wanted to drink for free.
Dear Mr. Mike,
I am six years old. I live in Pennelton, NY. My brother Seth is making me write to you about your blog about this guy named Antony Weener. He is making me ask you what Weener’s other hand is doing while he is taking a selfie. Seth says I have to tell this to Mom, or he will tell her that I was the one who broke the celler window. Seth is such a jerk face, but I have to.
By now, you must realize you and all the Conservative followers of Donald Trump are nothing but racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, cxck sxcking axxholes. It’s a wonder of science that a group so devoid of mental capacity has been able to inflict this shxt-for-brains dxxk head on the rest of us.
I hope you die a slow, painful death from gonorrhea, which you probably already have, and probably have shared among your ilk. It’s only after all of you are dead that the rest of us can live in a verdant, sustainable, and alt-right-free world.
Al Gore Chair
Department of Earth Sciences
University of California, Los Angeles
Su blog en la red es muy agradable. Pero ¿por qué sigues llamando a todos los Nazis? No es agradable, y ya no hay más Nazis. Te pido que te detengas. Si no.
Ich werde beobachten,
Perdomo Habano, Argentina
I’m an ardent reader of your blog, but why do you always make fun of Canadians? My husband is Canadian, and it’s my job to make fun of Canadians.
Maybe in a future blog, you can look into why in Canada they have handicap parking spaces at ice skating rinks.
Best Wishes and Much Molsen,
Dear Uncle Mike,
I hate you!!!!!!!!!
The other day, this kid Roger comes up to me in Algebra class and asks me if I know a Michael Lordi who writes a blog. I said, yes, he’s my uncle. And Roger says he found a link to your blog from a porn site. Now everybody in school knows. Even Mrs. Debban, my flag team moderator, rolled her eyes when she saw me in the hallway. Now, I have to wear a bag over my head because of you!
I HATE HATE HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. – Mom wants to know if you are bringing the Italian Bread on Sunday.